i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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