Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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