I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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