I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
