went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i think my cat just said my name.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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