I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
