Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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