can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
