ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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