I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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