I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
