I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
