I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
