just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize