There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
