She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're too hungover to prance.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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