somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
