I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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