the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
