I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
