I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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