I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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