I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
