I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
