I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
