ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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