It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
