i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And then he peed in my hair
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