So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
