I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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