Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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