I just pynch a tree in the face
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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