dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
