You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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