I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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