He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize