apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize