THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
