I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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