do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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