Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
