Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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