the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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