I just pynch a tree in the face
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Best friends brother. Beat that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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