if only i could text you this smell
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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