I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
