Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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