My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
