Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
