I wish my penis had an off switch
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
