Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
