Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
this is an emotional support booty call
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
