She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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