I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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