Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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