Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize