i was born a porn star she said
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
