I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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