god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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