If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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