I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
