escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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