Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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