It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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