Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Vodka?
Forever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
