I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
