My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize