I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
