I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
